I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
