he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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