she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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