I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
