sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
