Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
