so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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