ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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