Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
