I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
