he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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