Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
