Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
