it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
