Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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