Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
