And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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