You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
