She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
