I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I FOUND THE LEGS
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
