Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
