You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I could make wine with my vomit
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
