im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just google imaged poop.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
