My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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