so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
