is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
