you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
