You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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