ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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