Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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