He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize