Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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