I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This is classic penis vs brain.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
