I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
