Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize