So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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