So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
