I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you win again, gameday.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
