do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you would pick up someone in the library
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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