stop calling my apartment porn island.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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