I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
