my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
