i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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