The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
