my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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