lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
