ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
