I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
