I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
