im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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