He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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