I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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