I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
