Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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