You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
