I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
