Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
