You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
