Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
