he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
