How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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